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Widowhood is second only to losing one's child in terms of psychological trauma. Although inevitable, nothing can prepare a married woman for the shock of losing her intimate companion and a pillar of support. Where the late husband used to be the bread earner, the financial shock is enormous. For Hindu women widowhood used to be an unmitigated disaster in the past. Drastic changes in diet, dress and social interaction followed. She was considered a bad omen and forced to live like a pariah. Although Muslim women are spared such excesses, life is a struggle. In Bangladesh, an estimated 4.5 million widows comprise 2.7 per cent of the total population. The more aged the married woman is, the more likely it is she will be a widow.
Although Bangladesh has an equal distribution of males and females the number of widows far exceeds widowers. There are two explanations: age gap (about six years) at marriage and the fact that women live longer. It is instructive to note that more widowers tend to re-marry than widows.
Social mores and practices make Bangladesh a difficult place for a girl to be born; power dynamics favour the male. Son preference is entrenched. A dependent relationship starts right from birth as the girl is palmed off from father to husband to son in stages. The typical sister's world is more constricted than her brother's. Considered a burden by most rural parents, she is married off early. Thus, the adolescent girl is robbed of her possibilities.
After marriage, the wife fulfills her conjugal and family responsibilities amid taunts from in-laws. Physical and mental abuse by the husband is not uncommon. Matters get worse once her husband leaves this world. As her world becomes topsy-turvy the widow goes through an emotional roller-coaster and confronts the world virtually single-handed. During the mourning period, it becomes very difficult for her to piece together information regarding assets held jointly. When a widow goes to the bank multiple times for removing her husband's name salt is rubbed on the wound. Long-winded succession formalities in Bangladesh accentuate the pain.
Social safety net (SSN), unconditional cash transfers from the government, is supposed to help the needy. Though Bangladesh has introduced SSN programmes, one may question their efficacy and reach. One reason: weak state institutions. Allowance for widows stands at a paltry Tk. 400 per month.
We are generally loath to thinking about mortality. Since neither spouse plans about such an eventuality the widow, suddenly bereft of a supporting and warm companionship, finds herself in an insecure and even vulnerable position. After widowhood, sometimes members of the late husband's family re-evaluate their ties to her. With bonds weakening the relationship may spiral into outright hostility and viciousness. This state of affairs tells on children havingdeleterious implications for their long-term welfare. Social relationships nurtured by the husband come unstuck as new alliances are forged by the widow for survival.
All adult citizens are economic agents of one kind or another. A life event of this magnitude causes dislocation in the widow's life leading to diminished output, productivity and earnings. It is noteworthy that in areas ravaged by wars and conflicts, for example Afghanistan and Yemen, the proportion of widows is very high, and because of an increase in longevity worldwide the number of widows will increase independent of a rise in population resulting in more households headed by women.The question of elder care will gain prominence.
Studies show that a widow is financially worse-off than her married counterpart, in terms of both income and assets. The groom is therefore well-advised to take out a life policy immediately to shield his wife from financial hardships down the road. Likewise, the meher (bride-money) should be settled without delay and invested in the bride's name.
Widows face formidable obstacles when asserting their rights. These claims pertain to the custody of minor children and ownership of property. In-laws may even use kids as bargaining chips. Surrendering to insurmountable odds in many cases she gives upher rightful claims. The widow does not wish to earn a 'bad' epitaph as people unfeelingly pass uncharitable comments and insinuations just when the widow is dealing with trauma.
Initial discussions with a cross-section of widows reveal rural women are generally poor and illiterate, married children did (or could) not help, the late husband's family looks the other way, and they are devoid of any property. On the other hand, town-based widows mostly belong to the middle class and are better educated. No doubt education gives extra confidence and maturity. They are in possession of better health with access to several income-generating avenues.
Widowhood tends to fracture the family unit forcing the elderly widow to become an unwelcome guest at her married son's home. She mutely endures maltreatment and neglect.
Financial literacy, where women lag, should be introduced in secondary schools so as to grow awareness about financial planning. This life skill might help mitigate hardships somewhat.
Raihan Amin is a part-time faculty at the United International University.