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‘Break Up’ is a common term that almost every '90s kid has experienced in their adulthoods. In relationships, two types of breakups can occur in two phases – a. temporary and b. permanent.
Temporary breakups make a boy understand his emotions profoundly. He misses his partner more during the breakup period. This helps him better understand the dynamics of his relationship with his partner. Which eventually leads to patching up with his girlfriend.
However, a permanent breakup is something more serious, leaving a long-lasting impact on a guy’s life. It can be mental, psychological, or biological in aspects.
Breakup at a young age makes the guy think about what went wrong in their relationship and why it didn’t work out. It makes the guy wonder about his shortcomings.
A breakup may occur due to various reasons committed by the guy or the girl in the relationship, for instance, over-possessiveness, trust issues, manipulation, gaslighting, loyalty issues, etc. If the guy has either of these features within himself, it is unlikely that none of his relationships will work out.
It is natural for anyone in a committed relationship to be possessive of their partner. However, anything excessive or crossing the limit brings destruction. Hence, the clock starts ticking when one becomes excessively possessive and obsessed with his partner. Because that relationship ought to turn unhealthy and toxic for both of them.
Nur E Alam Siddique, currently pursuing his master’s degree in Philosophy at the University of Chittagong, says that he got out of his first relationship with his first love due to over-possessiveness. He became extremely possessive of his ex-girlfriend, leading him to act irrationally and aggressively.
“I couldn’t bear to watch my girlfriend talk to or interact with other guys. As a result, we ended up having meaningless fights and eventually part our ways because of too much toxicity.”
In a conversation with the writer, he said that he realised that over-possessiveness is irrational since it is in human nature that one is supposed to like the opposite gender.
He also added, “The impact of patriarchal society also falls in relationships; the female is often dominated by the male. I was no different then.”
“However, after breakup I was devastated, broken, and I realised you can’t and mustn’t try to control your girlfriend, she is a human, not your property.”
He said that he changed his thought process after that realisation and never again tried to exercise his controlling and dominating nature in his next relationships.
Usually, insecure guys try to manipulate and gaslight their partners into doing things their partners don’t want to do. They manipulate their partners to make them stay in their relationship forcefully or tactfully if they want to split up.
Guys tend to make these moves more in their relationships. Eventually, such relationships don’t work out, and they part ways. With a broken heart, they get up and most likely don’t repeat the same mistakes in their next relationships.
Furthermore, heartbreaks also impact character development; many litterateurs and artists believe that heartbreak or sadness is required for any kind of artwork and literature.
Nur e Alam Siddique said he could start writing song lyrics after his first breakup; his ex-girlfriend was the only inspiration. People often write songs, poems and literature after a heartbreak, which make them feel and process their emotions deeply.
Novelist Paulo Coelho quotes, “Tears are words that need to be written.”
On top of it, the guy gets a good insight about himself, life and not to mention the reality checks. Another guy, who preferred to remain anonymous, told the writer, “I think the breakup was necessary. I became more aware of what I wanted in life. With whom I wanted to spend my time. I got to know the people close to me, who will stand beside me in my misery.”
He also shared that he got more career-oriented and had time to think about himself.
“I look into everything more deeply before diving in or making promises now. I even became more focused on my goals and what I really wanted to do,” he noted.
Nevertheless, it goes without mentioning that a breakup obviously takes a huge toll on mental health as well. Whether mutual or not, the guy, after detachment, usually becomes depressed, sad, broken, lonely and emotionally damaged.
In extreme cases, one might often need to seek professional advice.
The second interviewee shared with the writer, “The breakup had a very bad effect on my mental health. I was suffering from anxiety disorder, and depression. Moreover, I also developed trust issues.”
Even so, these feelings and emotions only strengthen one mentally and emotionally. Sometimes, all a guy needs is one big push to take life and himself seriously. A breakup often works that way, and he gets his life together.
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