How does a child grow up with a patriarchal mindset? The simple answer is upbringing. Exposure to gender discrimination based on stereotypes and unequal expectations as a child gives birth to sexism, misogyny and gender-based violence (GBV) among teenagers and adults.
It is women who suffer the most, stuck in a societal gridlock where they are expected to do most or all of the household chores, get married, have children and sacrifice their careers to look after their families. Not to mention the outrageous victim-blaming culture that makes women responsible for the injustice they face, instead of holding the offenders accountable.
Yet, parents in most families restrict their daughters’ movements, often forgetting to monitor their sons’ attitude towards women and to teach them how to respect all women as their equals.
Having the freedom to make their own life decisions as adults and being able to go out alone without fear of getting assaulted are fundamental human rights and should not privilege for only males to enjoy.
Gender equality originates at home. This is why it is crucial to instil gender sensitivity in all sexes from a very young age. If you think your children are too young to know about sexism, it might be too late when your teenage son already treats women as a secondary gender and your daughter becomes complicit in her own dehumanisation because she thinks of herself as the weaker gender and succumbs to abuse and subservience.
Create a gender-neutral environment
Tanvir Ahmed, the father of a son and two daughters, lives in Banani. When spoken to, he said, “We have been encouraging our eldest son to help out in household chores since he was four. Now he is nine and can make noodles, fold clothes and also take care of his two younger sisters quite well. Girls alone should not be expected to do household chores. Rather, all boys and girls must be taught chores like cooking and cleaning because these are life survival skills.”
Sneha Nabila is the director of marketing and lead of content at ProjectDebi, a youth organisation that works to secure women’s rights and promote gender sensitivity. She shared how her father promoted gender sensitivity at home by setting examples.
“My parents are both doctors. I have always seen my dad cooking and showing up at school events that has helped me to unlearn gender roles. Every person washes their own dish. Whenever I am not cleaning my room, I am yelled at for not being a responsible family member and not because I am a girl and it is my job.
“Tell your son that it is irresponsible to sit and watch while his sister or wife cleans things. My parents also see toys and colours as gender-neutral because a girl can very well play with a remote control car and a boy can love the colour pink because colours are for all humans to enjoy.”
Preach feminism
To clear a misconception, feminism is not women’s domination over men but rather women having equal rights and opportunities as men at home, school, and work. Feminism is men and women respecting each other.
Aside from creating a gender-neutral environment, teaching your baby boy to respect his sister as they are equals will reduce GBV and motivate your daughter to be financially independent.
“If a man equally participates in household and child-raising responsibilities, both parents can work outside without his wife being forced to sacrifice her career. In addition, it prevents males from being victims of patriarchy by burdening them as the main earner,” added Sneha.
Anisa Mumtahina, a former officer at TransEnd, believes making girls financially confident from a tender age is very important. In order to do so, she recommended motivating them in handling their own finance.
“In order to inspire financial independence, start by giving the girl child pocket money and motivate her to do part-time jobs in her teen years, teach her to save and handle some bank-related work. This way she will develop the desire to pay for her own needs.”
Sports is important
Encourage your daughter to actively participate in sports such as football or cricket is another very important thing to do to create a gender-sensitive environment. The fact that women’s cricket is now gaining momentum in a male-dominated field due to more funding proves that few women, compared to men, participate in sports not because of lack of strength, but the gender stereotypes that create insufficient opportunities for training to hone their skills.
Sports is important for the physical and mental development of both genders. Absurdly classifying a particular sport or even a video game as ‘masculine’ prevents your daughter from exploring her abilities and makes your son prone to bullying girls interested in the said games.
Choose words wisely
The language also matters. Using words like ‘delicate’ or ‘soft-spoken’ to describe girls conveys the wrong idea that girls are not strong enough to protect themselves or not brave and assertive enough to speak up against injustice and compete for their way up the career ladder.
Furthermore, when you say “men are not supposed to cry,” it establishes emotion as a sign of weakness. The ability to feel and exhibit pain or shed ‘happy tears’ is basic human nature that makes us strong, empathetic and better able to cope with sorrow or joy.
Musharrat Tarannum, a freelancer and former employee at Daraz Bangladesh, said, “When I was in college, even though my dad had an office car, he asked me to travel by public bus. I can clearly remember his words, ‘Travel by public bus, you will understand how others are struggling. Just because you are a girl, you should not get any car privilege. You need to move independently and face challenges with a positive mindset.’”
Protyasha Ghosh, who works at North End Coffee Roasters, proudly said, “My parents raised me as their child and did not focus on me being a girl. They made me realise that one day I will have to live on my own. I was free to choose any career I want. Whenever anyone says things like ‘Yeah your son-in-law would do….for you,” my mom replies, ‘Why? My girl would do that for me one day.”
Last but not the least, the environment children grow up in also extends to their schools. If you feel your daughter is being discriminated against in any way, take the matter to the concerned authorities to keep the fight against sexism alive.
Maisha Fairooz Khan is a second-year undergraduate student at the Institute of Business Administration, University of Dhaka.
maisha.fairooz1323@gmail.com.