Care for elderly parents at a time marked by selfishness

Not even a month has passed since the nation celebrated the Mother's Day on May 10 last. And here is a repugnant case of outrageous neglect to a mother. It could not be more shocking and tragic. All three of her sons are well established and the only daughter is also a school teacher, who claimed to be living with her mother. But if she lived with her mother, how was it possible for her not to know when the elderly mother died? Primary report says that the body of the deceased had lain on the bed for at least five or six days before it came to notice. By this time the body started rotting with worms gnawing at it.

The inhumanity and insensitivity of the two sons ---one a teacher of the Bangladesh University of Engineering and Technology (BUET) and the other a joint secretary at Mongla Port ---were further exposed when a journalist and others living in the neighbourhood contacted the duo. The BUET teacher told he was in Khulna and could not come to join last rites of her mother. The other son also showed no interest in the matter and betrayed no emotion that overwhelms any ordinary person at the news of his or her mother's death. Instead, the sons reportedly asked the journalist to hush up the matter in exchange for bribe. When this ploy failed, they displayed aggressive attitudes.

It is beyond comprehension how highly educated people like the two sons could deny their filial attachment with their mother. Undoubtedly, it is one of the extreme cases of denial of filial piety. It exposes the degeneration of the social value system involving the sacred bond between parents and children. It would be interesting to know about the relationship between and among the siblings. They are parents as well and may be paid back in the same coin. Have the two brothers ever thought of their own old age and their dependence on their adult children? If the life's innings is cut short suddenly by an accident or a disease, that is a different proposition. But if they reach the advanced stage of life, no one knows how they will end up. People in their advanced age may get bed-ridden when extensive nursing is required.

Deceased Nurjahan Begum was denied the care her adult and well-established children were supposed to provide. It seems the joint-secretary and the BUET teacher washed their hands off any responsibility for their mother who was 75 years old. True, they did not take their mother, like some sons and daughters of poor and marginal-family background during the Covid-19 pandemic, to a remote place for abandonment. But it does not testify that the two brothers are less cruel. To them, their mother was a burden like the mothers of adult children who abandoned theirs in remote street corners or in jungles during the corona time.

Economic insolvency is a factor for people from lower social background to mistreat their old parents. In the case of Nurjahan Begum, it is mental poverty---not a lack of material wealth--- that has been responsible for the relational gulf created between them and their mother. Their meanness and selfishness have driven them to maintain an unbridgeable distance from their mother. Many people with less wealth at their disposal do not shirk their filial obligation. But the fact is that more and more people are growing less concerned about the well-being of the elderly members of their families. Thank God, their numbers have not outstripped that of those people who take care of their parents.

In this context, the Parents Maintenance Act 2013 comes to serve as a legal support for aged parents. Rules under the Act were formulated in 2023 making it obligatory for adult children to provide for their parents. In order to ensure elderly care, the rules have specifically mentioned how adult sons and daughters must provide their parents with food, clothing, shelter and medical care. In addition to such provisions, the law also mentions providing regular companionship for the elderly people. Sure enough, the legal coverage of elderly care is quite comprehensive but this should not overwhelm the moral support.

If adult children instinctively feel that it is a moral duty and obligation for them to make their parents happy, there is nothing like it. That is the hallmark of a most enjoyable family ambience. The law cannot make unwilling active members of a family to enforce such an order in family life. Parents who have made everything possible to ensure that their children pursue education and enjoy a healthy life deserve similar treatment from their children.

Today, there are people who send their single parent to old age or nursing homes depending on their health conditions on the pretext that they would enjoy company of their co-inmates there or get regular care which they cannot provide at home. But not everyone can afford such expensive old-age home stay. Of course, there are certain genuine cases but in some other instances, it is a sheer avoidance of obligation. Here the litmus test is if they feel the absence of their parents and stay in touch with the latter. Geriatric care is not all, maintaining the close filial bond is more important.

nilratanhalder2000@yahoo.com