Gamophobia and the trust issues of our generation

With time, everything has evolved, including human relationships. People living without commitment felt the urge to form a family; first with multiple partners, then with one partner for life, has become well accepted.

That is how marriage became the natural rhythm of our life. It was never a matter of shock, like growing up with our parents and grandparents in a world where marriage wasn't questioned; instead, it was expected. People didn't ask whether they were ready or emotionally capable; they just did it because it was a part of life's inevitable ritual.

While our parents have viewed marriage and commitment solely as a natural milestone, today's generation approaches it with hesitation, skepticism, and even fear. Psychologists call this fear 'Gamophobia', a term which is used to illustrate an intense aversion to marriage or long-term commitment. 

Gamophobia isn't only the fear of a wedding or a legal bond, but rather it's a fear of losing one's freedom, identity, and emotional safety.

Plus, this growing fear is not rooted in immaturity or rebellion. It's a reflection of a generation shaped by instability, trust issues, and an evolving understanding of love and independence.

Many young adults think commitment is a pain rather than a comfort. They have witnessed the emotional destruction of divorces, toxic relationships, and betrayals from their closest people.

So, to them, the words 'marriage' or 'commitment' feel less romantic and more like a potential heartbreak waiting to happen.

Shareen Huq (pseudonym), a graduate student of Dhaka University, remarked that seeing people around her in 'cheating' has made her deeply anxious about marriage.

She worries that even after having a family of her own, her partner might still betray her someday. So, for now, she enjoys the freedom and peace in her life and feels that marriage seems too heavy for her. 

Moreover, the modern dating culture has made it harder to build trust and easier to break it. Emotionally manipulative situations like ghosting, benching, breadcrumbing, situationship, etc., have become so common that many now expect disappointment even before love begins.

Another reason for suffering from gamophobia is today's generation's 'me first' mentality. They often grow up believing that self-growth, career stability, and personal space should come before everything else.

Though this mindset has helped many people build confidence and independence, it also plays a significant role in why so many hesitate about marriage.

For a lot of young adults, marriage feels like something that might interrupt their goals or limit the freedom they fought hard to achieve. As psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel Heller explain in their book Attached, the root of this fear often lies in attachment styles, “For those with an avoidant attachment style, intimacy is equated with a loss of independence, and they utilize deactivating strategies to maintain distance.”

The idea of compromise in any relationship can sometimes feel like giving up small pieces of oneself. And in a world that constantly tells us to love ourselves first, depending on someone else emotionally can feel frightening, even like losing control. 

Along with this, the unpredictability of life has increased. Careers shift, people move from one city to another, and opportunities appear in unexpected places. So the thought of settling down with one person can feel like shutting the door on future possibilities.

Many young people keep asking themselves quiet questions that have no clear answers. What if I lose myself? What if love does not last? What if I meet someone better later?

When the world around them keeps moving so fast, the idea of something permanent can feel almost unnatural. Irin Sultana (pseudonym), a 23-year-old University student with an extreme fear of marriage and commitment, says, "For me, marriage feels like the beginning of compromise. I am scared of losing myself and my dreams after marriage. What if the man who promises to love me forever stops loving me once I become his wife? What if I change, or my dreams no longer fit into his expectations?" She also says, "I would rather stay single than take a risk that could break my peace or sense of self."

Though at the end of the day, gamophobia is not a flaw. It reflects a generation that has seen instability and heartbreak up close. The real challenge is learning to love ourselves while still letting someone in and knowing that commitment does not always have to take away our freedom. It can build a partnership that protects who we are instead of making us lose ourselves. 

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