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What started with a simple suggestion, "Study Science instead of Arts." "Why not try Engineering?" slowly turned into an unspeakable rule that the child must follow, even if it is not their choice.
Over time, the child's interests faded as the weight of their parents' desire grew heavier.
In many Bangladeshi households, this quiet pressure becomes a part of everyday life. A child's dreams are gently, and sometimes forcefully, replaced by their parents' unfulfilled dreams.
Whether you choose a career in medicine, engineering, law, or government service, the message is clear: Success means following the path already imagined for you.
How common is it?
It is very common in Bangladesh, especially in middle—and working-class families, where reputation and stability are highly valued.
Education is not only seen as a way of personal success but also as a symbol of a family's pride. Parents want to shape a child's future according to what they think is best for them, even if the child does not wish to pursue the career chosen by their parents.
A school teacher who prefers to remain anonymous says, "Many students I met are unsure about their future. When I ask them why they want to be doctors, engineers, accountants, or other professionals, they say, 'My parents want me to be a doctor or engineer.' This left me with the thought that they never even once thought about what they wanted to do."
When dreams don't match
This pressure often creates unwanted stress. Some children quietly accept it, but others may feel trapped. The fear of disappointing their parents usually keeps them from speaking about their true passion.
Jerin Tasnim Shithila, a student from Dhaka University, says,
"My parents always wanted me to be an engineer, but when I got into journalism instead, they didn't argue, but I know they are disappointed. They stopped showing interest in my life. Never asked me about my studies. It feels like I failed them by doing what I like."
Jarin Khan Rafa, another student from Dhaka University, says, "I have always wanted to be a fashion designer. I love sketching outfits in my notebook. But I know my father would never approve of it. He thinks it has no future. So, I never dared to tell my parents about my passion.
Over time, the mismatch between a person's real passion and their chosen path can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression."
The parents' point of view
Who doesn't want to follow their dream? It is said that those who do their dream job are fortunate. However, from parents' perspectives, things are seen from a different perspective.
Their intention comes from love and protection. Many of them grew up in difficult circumstances where they couldn't fulfil their dreams. So, when they see talent in their children, they try to guide them towards what they believe is best for their children.
"I have always wanted to be an Engineer, says Borhan Uddin,55, from Gazipur. So, when my daughter chose science, I told her to go for Engineering. I didn't want to give up like I did." But sometimes, parents forget that children are not copies of them. A child's talent, ambition, and interests may be different, and that should be respected, too.
Breaking the cycle
Fortunately, many young parents are now breaking the cycle. Rather than pushing their children through their unfulfilled dreams, they are now respecting their children's interests and dreams.
They are now letting their children do nontraditional careers, believing success has no bounds. Exposure to mental health awareness, education, and career counselling is influencing this transformation.
Schools are also encouraging students to explore subjects like the arts, literature, design, digital media, and entrepreneurship. This new approach is helping students find their passion early, and parents are learning to accept the process even if it is not what they imagined.
These changes are slow but effective. These changes indicate a break from general trauma.
However, not every family is ready for this change. The fear of "What will people say?" keeps parents from allowing their children freedom, or, as Indian comedian Zakir Khan jokingly says, "Parents are not against your dream; they just don't want you to be in poverty."
Children are not here to build their parents' past. They are here to develop their future. Sometimes, the most powerful thing a parent can do is believe in their child, even if their dream looks different, just like Gibran said in his poem "On Children" You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
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