SOTSUKON: Redefining partnership and protecting children in Bangladesh

Imagine a couple in their late 50s in a tranquil neighbourhood of Dhaka, let's call them Rina and Kamal. They have successfully raised their children, who are now pursuing careers abroad. For twenty-five years, their lives revolved around shared meals, school runs, and managing a household. Now, with the nest empty, Rina feels a powerful pull to pursue a lifelong dream of becoming a textile designer, a pursuit that requires focused time and a different daily rhythm than Kamal, who is happily committed to his gardening and social circle. They still deeply respect and care for each other, but the traditional, cohabiting marriage structure has begun to feel like a constraint rather than a comfort. Instead of facing the painful prospect of divorce-a step neither truly wants, given their shared history nor extended family ties-what if they had a dignified, mutually respectful third option?

In the vibrant, ever-evolving landscape of Dhaka, the traditional structure of marriage is under increasing pressure, mirroring global trends where the ideal of lifelong partnership often collides with the modern realities of longer life spans, shifting personal ambitions, and a greater demand for individual fulfillment. Within this context, an unconventional yet intriguing concept from Japan-sotsukon, or "marriage graduation"-offers a compelling new perspective on long-term commitment. Simultaneously, it forces a critical discussion on the paramount responsibility of shielding children from the profound, often lasting, emotional and social turbulence of divorce.

Sotsukon proposes a nuanced middle ground, an intentional space between traditional cohabitation and complete legal separation. It acknowledges that after years together, one or both partners may reach a stage where their personal growth and aspirations necessitate more independence than the conventional marital blueprint allows. Rather than resorting to divorce, which carries significant emotional, legal, and social burdens, couples opting for sotsukon consciously decide to "graduate" from the day-to-day expectations of marriage.

This graduation is a redefinition, not a total dissolution. It can manifest in a variety of ways: couples like Rina and Kamal might choose to maintain separate residences, intentionally fostering individual pursuits while planning specific, quality time together; others may continue to share a home but lead profoundly independent lives within it, managing their own affairs, finances, and schedules with greater autonomy. Crucially, the legal and fundamental emotional bond persists. This rise of flexible partnership models in countries like Japan is intrinsically linked to increased life expectancy, the financial independence of women, and a universal desire for personal fulfillment in later life. While unconventional, this flexible approach prompts a vital question for couples in Dhaka facing similar pressures: Could redefining a marriage offer a more sustainable path than ending it entirely?

Regardless of whether a couple chooses the path of divorce or explores an alternative like sotsukon, the well-being of their children must remain the singular, unwavering focus. Divorce, in particular, can have devastating and lasting effects on a child's emotional development, social integration, and academic progress. Witnessing parental conflict, adjusting to new living arrangements, and navigating divided loyalties can be deeply traumatic experiences. While an arrangement like sotsukon might promise a less legally disruptive transition for the adults, its impact on children still requires careful consideration: clear communication, consistent co-parenting, and continuous reassurance of unconditional love from both parents are non-negotiable necessities.

Addressing the challenge of marital transitions and their impact on children in Dhaka demands a concerted, solution-oriented approach from society. Investment in robust marriage counseling and mediation services is essential; accessible and affordable professional support can help couples explore alternatives to immediate separation, and trained mediators can facilitate constructive conversations centred on the child's best interests. This effort must be paired with the widespread promotion of co-parenting education-workshops and resources that equip separating parents with the skills for conflict-free communication, shared decision-making, and the ability to create a stable, supportive environment across two households.

Furthermore, family law must unequivocally prioritize the needs and rights of children in every proceeding, ensuring fair custody arrangements, adequate financial support, and mechanisms to address and prevent parental alienation. These formal structures must be buttressed by stronger community support networks, offering emotional and practical assistance-from support groups to mentorship programs-for families navigating this difficult terrain. Finally, reducing the prevailing social stigma associated with seeking help and discussing marital challenges is key. Promoting a culture of empathy and understanding will create a more supportive environment, enabling families to prioritize their children's security over parental conflict.

The concept of marriage graduation invites a necessary creative rethinking of long-term relationships. Yet, whether Dhaka embraces this specific model or grapples with the enduring reality of divorce, our collective focus must be on safeguarding our children. By investing in resilient support systems, fostering responsible co-parenting, and embedding children's welfare at the heart of our social and legal frameworks, we can strive to mitigate the painful impacts of marital transitions and secure a brighter future for the next generation.

The write is the Head and Chair of the English Department of Canadian University of Bangladesh (CUB).

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