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Mervat Hijazi and her nine children did not eat at all on Thursday – except for her underweight baby, who received a sachet of peanut paste.
"I'm so ashamed of myself for not being able to feed my children," Hijazi told Reuters from their tent pitched amid the rubble of Gaza City. "I cry at night when my baby cries and her stomach aches from hunger."
Six-year-old Zaha cannot sleep because of Israel’s bombardment.
"She wakes up terrified, shaking, and then remembers she didn't eat and is hungry. I put her back to sleep, promising her food in the morning. Of course I lie."
Hijazi, 38, recounted a harrowing week.
Sunday, May 18: The family received around half a kilo of cooked lentils from a community kitchen run by a charity – half the amount Hijazi would normally use for a single meal.
Monday: A local aid group was distributing some vegetables in the camp, but there was not enough to go around. Hijazi's 14-year-old daughter Menna managed to get a meagre portion of cooked potato from the kitchen. The family drank water to stave off their hunger.
Tuesday: They received half a kilo of cooked pasta from the kitchen. One daughter also received some falafel from an uncle living nearby.
Wednesday: A relatively good day. The kitchen provided a bowl of rice with lentils. It was not enough, but Menna returned and pleaded with the staff until they gave her two more small portions.
"She is tough and keeps crying at them until they give her."
Thursday: The kitchen was closed, and the family could not find out why. They had nothing to eat except a peanut sachet given to 11-month-old Lama by a clinic, as baby formula has all but disappeared.
"I don't have enough milk in my breasts to feed her because I hardly eat myself," said Hijazi, whose husband was killed early in the war as he cycled to get food from a charity kitchen.
The Hijazi family’s experience offers a snapshot of the deepening misery in Gaza. A global hunger monitor warned this month that half a million people face starvation, with famine looming.
Israel has bombarded and besieged Gaza since Hamas launched a surprise attack on Israeli border communities on Oct 7, 2023. According to Israel, the attack killed 1,200 people. Gazan authorities say more than 53,000 people have been killed in Israel’s subsequent offensive.
Israel maintains that enough food is entering Gaza and accuses Hamas of diverting aid to its fighters – a claim Hamas denies.
This week, Israel allowed some food into the territory for the first time since Mar 2, including flour and baby food. A new US-sponsored system run by private contractors is expected to begin operating soon. It would involve distribution centres in areas under Israeli military control – a plan condemned by the UN and aid agencies, who say it risks further displacement and bypasses established networks.
Hijazi said her family has seen no sign of the new aid. She is especially worried about baby Lama, who weighed just 5 kg last week – around half the average for a healthy one-year-old girl, according to World Health Organization charts.
At best, the family has had a single meal to share each day this week, Hijazi added.
UN aid chief Tom Fletcher said the level of aid Israel is proposing is "a drop in the ocean" compared with what is needed.
WE HAVE NO SAY IN THIS WAR
The tent shared by Hijazi and her children is large and rectangular, with a portrait of her late husband, Mohammed, hanging above a thin mattress and a few mostly empty jars and stacked plastic bowls.
The family is from the Sabra district of Gaza City, where Israel’s initial assault was concentrated. They fled on the day Mohammed was killed – 17 November 2023 – and moved south to Deir al-Balah. After sheltering with family and later in a displacement camp, they returned to Gaza City following a ceasefire in January. Their home was damaged, and they are now living in another camp.
Hunger has made the family listless, Hijazi said. They often lack the strength to clean their tent. When Reuters visited, some of the children were sprawled silently on the floor.
But they still have responsibilities.
Menna is usually sent to queue at the food kitchen. She arrives more than an hour before it opens, knowing she would otherwise stand no chance of getting food. She often waits another hour before being served.
On days when no water tanker reaches their part of the camp, Mustafa, 15, and Ali, 13, walk to another district to fill heavy jerrycans from a standpipe – a task made even harder by hunger.
Everyone remembers life before the war. Mohammed Hijazi was a plumber and earned a good wage.
"People used to envy us for the variety of food we had," said Hijazi, recalling breakfasts of eggs, beans, falafel, cheese, yoghurt and bread, and lunches and dinners of meat, rice, chicken and vegetables.
Her 16-year-old daughter Malik spoke longingly of burgers, chocolate and Coca-Cola.
"We are civilians. We have no say in this war. All we want is for the war to end," Hijazi said.
"We want to go back to live in homes – real homes. We want to sleep with full stomachs and in peace, not scared of dying while we sleep."