DUCSU roars back with more leaflets than students

After a long democratic nap of six years, though a blessing compared to the previous 28 years of hibernation, DUCSU is finally stretching its arms again. University of Dhaka has been glowing in the whole 'festival of Democracy' mode ever since the candidates' list was published. 

Though outside the DU bubble, the picture is less festive. Students at Chattogram University are bleeding from clashes with locals, engineering vs diploma fights are escalating, RUCSU elections are almost in a coma, and Law and Order is feeling sleepy. But as long as DUCSU is trending, the authority is reassured that student democracy is alive and evident. 

The authority generously declared a pre-election holiday of 9-10 days; luxury, even national elections or Durga Puja wouldn’t dare.

Freshers now think democracy is measured in days off. By ballot time, dorms may echo like haunted mansions, proving Bangladesh’s knack for elections without voters.

While last year’s heroic prank of “No student politics in residential halls and campus” has been forgotten like last semester’s term paper title, young politicians have bloomed in every corridor like mushrooms after rain.

Some political parties have unveiled their genius Voldemort strategy, splitting souls into Team A, Team B, and Team C, expecting students to believe these represent 'different ideologies.' However, they all sip from the same teapot after midnight.

To preserve the thriller, some candidates keep their party loyalty secret. They believe that anonymity in the name of autonomy is the best survival strategy when the sponsors are much debated.

Due to population density, 471 leaders are competing for only 28 chairs. Forty-five gladiators will battle for the VP post, 19 for GS, and 25 for AGS, proving that BCS is not the most competitive exam. No doubt, the ballot paper itself will look like a mini phone book. 

With 217 candidates competing just for member posts, voters may need cheat sheets, mobile notes, calculators, or mnemonics to remember their favourites.

Screening the backgrounds of each candidate is nearly impossible due to overcrowding. Taking this as an opportunity, students of CSE can invent a new app on this occasion, "Tinder for DUCSU," swipe left or right based on impression, because Facebook profiles of some candidates might make you feel like a freshly printed, only discovered after August 2024. Before that, many faces were never seen as social beings, since they were invested in surviving semester deadlines.

Interestingly, the stands of some pupils battling in the election might make you wonder if pre- or post-liberation war facts exist. To a few, Bangladesh was practically born last year, and freedom of speech is your cup of tea, as long as you whispered your opinions about the Liberation War into your pillow or have an affiliation with the previous regime.

Some look like they're afraid or allergic to the 1971 genocide concept, which might decrease their CGPA or increase acidity. For youngsters who love to claim pro-Bangladesh stands, this silence sometimes sounds louder than their megaphones. 

Of course, genuine student-friendly reforms are being promised in every leaflet. Students have heard so many reforms that the word itself now feels like background noise.

Right alongside, debates at TSC and Bot Tola go on with all the seriousness of a World Cup final, except the spectators are busy heckling candidates like stand-up comedians.

Their supporters rush to Facebook groups with justifications longer than the newspaper columns. No student can really stay detached from politics when both your newsfeed and your tea stall are overflowing with DUCSU fever.

Some candidates were seen branding liberals as 'Shahbagis,' convinced they live on coffee and avoid showers. A few believe women should vanish after 10 PM to escape midnight ghosts, while others treat mocking sexuality as stand-up comedy.

On the flip side, some 'progressives' see beards, panjabis, hijabs, and burqas as doomsday signals for modernity. Yet, miraculously, everyone promises inclusivity and equity.

Foreign policy awareness of a few is equally entertaining, who vow to defend Bangladesh from sinister Indian or Pakistani agendas. However, their idea of politics in water sharing, trade, geopolitics or simply the art of not turning neighbours into enemies remains a puzzle.

A significant number of voters are uncertain about how to use these manifestos. Should they sell these to bhangari or recycle them as napkins or cones while having Jhalmuri?

They are no longer on these black and white sheets, but on bedsheets instead. Candidates are struggling to design a creative, catchy campaign. They are doing homework so seriously that academic supervisors are astonished. The faculty board is about to hold a meeting on whether DUCSU campaigns should be counted as a practical task in the curriculum. 

Some students suggest a trial-run system, giving candidates a three-month probation to fix toilets, control noise, and improve cafeteria food. Only then would they choose the eligible for the throne. But intelligent people prefer promises over proof, because working solutions might not bring a plot of a good cinema. 

Sources say that in the last DUCSU election, a majority of seats was predetermined or negotiated. Voting was little more than a costume drama. This raises the question of whether 2025 will be any different, or another talent show where the script is written before the actors hit the stage? 

Students still have a laundry list of grievances against the system, but are already used to complaining to the chef, who also turns out to be the food inspector.

Following the constituent, the president of DUCSU is the Honourable Vice Chancellor, like the referee being crowned as the captain. If things ever get out of hand, he can dissolve the entire DUCSU by moving a finger, like cancelling a chess game mid-game. Right here, the High Court had a wild card entry to the carnival, by first declaring the DUCSU election postponed on 1st September and within just one hour, postponing its own postponement.

So far, student participation has thrived mostly through memes, trolling, and debates. Whether they end up with leaders, comedians, or amnesiacs is an unexposed climax. Still, one thing is certain: political activism keeps DU alive, loud, colourful, and lingering with the smell of the TSC toilets, where even standing in the corridor feels like a political act.

purbasha-2017413525@devs.du.ac.bd