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"I knew exactly what love looked like- in seventh grade. Even though I hadn't met love yet."
Like this line in Sarah Kay's poem 'When Love Arrives', we all wondered about love and romance, but some of us stumbled upon ways to find it in our lives. We feel lost with all the calculations about what to do and not to do, how to react– and how to protect; we keep wondering to date.
Take any rom-com, novel, or even a Bengali drama– all you could find is a rosy, musical drape falling all over you, taking away every ounce of sadness from an occurrence called love. No wonder it is called 'falling in love' as they show you in fiction. It is about the surprise and unexpected events leading to Falling in Love 101.
Let's look at the critical points of romance from fictitious creations such as books or films.
We can find a general motif there. The story is mostly a journey towards love, where the protagonists try to achieve each other or face some societal obstacles to be a couple. External forces among couples make their love life challenging, which is why they always seem so eager to meet each other.
Some even say that the immortal love stories would not be as memorable if they could end up together! Love in fiction shows us that love is a destination, not a regular life or a way to live. That is where the problem starts. What to do after the 'war for love' is over? When two people are together without any external issues, what dimension do they live in? And the most critical question is, how do they keep up the spark that started the 'fire' between them?
That sounds like the old stories. Nowadays, things have become more realistic as we show the 'raw life' in footage by showing communication issues or polygamy.
Are we really, though? In reality, is there not so much more than a patterned motif of a romantic relationship? There are so many different aspects to explore and expect from other people. Or sometimes, not to expect.
Do not expect the reel version or someone else's idea of love to be applied to you. It is a story of the people engaged, and the surprise plans, the birthday gifts, and the day-to-day lifestyle are all relative. There might be a cultural form of relationship we grow up watching around us– all the time. Yet love can be more than that, or even less than that, and one can still be happy with it. Happiness matters whatever story one is brewing with their respective 'another'.
To Tithi Deb Puja, love has evolved, at least the idea of it transformed through the phases of her life, and she now takes love in the form it is at present, "Love to me in my teenage years was equal to nothing but a Bollywood movie.
I might even compare myself to one of the heroines. But when that colourful filter went out as I grew up, I could realize gradually that love was nothing that I thought it was. In real life, love is not always happy-go-lucky. In reality, love requires a lot of compromises. I have started feeling that one can only be happy if they make enough compromises, and if you cannot, lovers may become strangers in the way of life."
Many people might disagree with Tithi, but it is perfectly fine because love is what you make of it. Just like our own philosophy of life and our way of living, the concept of our romantic growth should also depend on the necessities we have tailored for ourselves through the years passed by.
But in a relationship, no single person is involved, if it is not a sologamy! So the blend of these two people's necessities, demands, or even the ability to adjust and expect wishes and situations to fulfil the expectations can make a relationship go on like there is no end.
Maybe love is an endless Ferris wheel, just like the movies show—if we can shoot our own story with our own set of lenses. It is full of those evenings stuck up with waiting, our busy schedules, another mundane to-do list, grocery shopping, being stressed with work, and accompanying each other in sickness and health.
Romance might call for a wish from someone to do the laundry and taxes in not another lifetime but in this. Let's give all fiction a backseat and drive with our unique romantic ride with a heart full of happiness, just like it is in the poem mentioned before,
"But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly; we found jokes that make us laugh. And now, love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies.
But love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack."