Learning to embrace household chores as essential life skills

"I cook my own rice now, maa. Finally, I know how many cups go into that pot for a perfect cook in the rice. Tonight, I made chicken. I do my own laundry, I do the dishes by myself, I clean my own room and I do all the grocery shopping as well. You don't have to worry anymore. But please tell me why you didn't teach me all these when I lived with you, it would have made it so much easier now, wouldn't it?"

Above is a part of a conversation between a son who moved abroad for his undergraduate degree and a mother who is on the other side of the phone. This may seem like a perfectly normal conversation for a rich or a higher middle-class household in Dhaka, but this is the overall scenario of the country and the whole world. The scenario is that boys are not encouraged to learn or do basic household chores. There are, of course, some exceptions, but boys being taught to be 'men' by an illogical assignment and justification of stereotypical gender roles are the general situation that can cost them later on.

In a world where progress and equality are rising, it's time to break free from the shackles of outdated gendered stereotypes. From a young age, many boys are subtly told that household chores, like cooking, cleaning, and maintaining a household, are not their concern.

Instead, they are discouraged and often miss learning essential life skills. But let's throw a challenge on this notion and explore why men should wholeheartedly embrace these chores as fundamental skills beyond gender roles.

Origin of the problem

Let's go back a little in time and read how the scripts of their yesteryears were written. Once upon a time, boys were handed swords and toy trucks while pots and pans were reserved for their sisters. The society said, "Boys don't do dishes, and they certainly won't dust!" All those lines get stuck in the mirror of their childhood, and they learn to act like 'boys' by not doing stuff their sisters do.

Does the scene change a lot with time? A boy grows up learning to avoid the 'girly' or domestic work, marking them as signs of femininity. Boys' mothers are careful in this regard. They try to ensure that their little boys don't play with girl's toys, always be the ones with the cricket bat or playing rough and strong. They ask their boys to stay away from the kitchen by saying this is a woman's job to cook for him, serve him and wash after him.

Boys, young or young adults, find it normal for women to do their jobs for them. This 'pampering' demand continues to their later life and, eventually, married life. They expect their wives to do all the household work for them. Even if they participate, it is by choice, and a tiny help seems a lot to them. But in reality, household chores are everyone's. It is the equal effort that makes a household whole. A woman is expected to balance her work life and household simultaneously. A homemaker's job seems valueless to our society, as they do 'nothing' all day. But still, men are reluctant to do that 'nothing' as well.

One may ask, why is this shift so important? Well, it's about breaking free from the invisible chains of patriarchy and stereotypes that have held us back. It's about acknowledging that a man's place can be right next to a stove or a mop, which doesn't diminish his masculinity. It's about teaching the sons that they are not defined by societal norms but by their willingness to learn, grow, and contribute to their homes and relationships.

Times are changing. Women are conquering boardrooms and stadiums, and men are discovering the magic of culinary arts. Slowly, boys are realising that brooms, vacuums, and spatulas are not just tools for the trade but essential life skills for everyone. These skills can make life easier and more efficient if one has them. Families are unlearning the previous stereotypes and reshaping gender roles.

Life skills know no gender

Cooking, cleaning, and maintaining a household are not skills tied to one's gender; they are essential skills everyone should possess. It is certainly a joy to imagine a world where every individual can whip up a delicious meal, keep their living spaces clean and organised, and take care of household maintenance tasks. Teaching boys these skills from a young age empowers them to control their lives, whether alone, with a partner, or in a family setting. They can appreciate the hard work and dedication of making a household. The young generation can grow up not limited by gender biases and break the cycle of perpetuating harmful scenarios.

How to teach a boy to be a human first

The first and foremost step is to bring about the determination to change. Family structure should be encouraging in including boys in regular household chores. Mothers can actively involve their sons in household chores and domestic management. They should encourage and help them do their chores by themselves and manage the household.

Young children should not be taught that there are any differences in their passion, capacity and duties in terms of gender roles. Communication, checking on them, and making them feel wanted can be a good step to embracing gender equality. They must be supported in breaking free from societal expectations.

Boys must be taught household and domestic chores for their betterment. Otherwise, whether they are moving to another city or another continent, they will face many difficulties if they don't know the basic life skills and regret later.

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