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Whatever we see, whoever we see, we all have a sheer sense of judgement towards others. Some call it their analytical power, some an observation skill, and some have their way with 'gut feeling'.
We assume we presume. And so we resume our activities at certain times.
No matter how stigmatised being a judgemental person seems, it is not entirely possible without having a judgement towards others.
Because based on those judgements, people must act and react. But as with everything else, there is good judgment and impaired judgment. The bad one takes you to be a judgy person who gives their verdict now and then with so much conviction that there is nothing to do to change it. They do not simply leave any space for the other to provide input; they go on with whatever picture they have produced in their mind and preach it, among others.
How can we not be judgy?
The invention also defines the fine line between good judgment and being judgy towards someone. It also includes a sense of boundaries in a relationship. You cannot just take a random stranger and comment on their hairstyle, but there is a chance of passing judgements about things like hair, makeup, and many others in an established friendship where people expect some of these– good or bad comments on their looks. Some friends want to know how they are looking at you. You do not always have to tell them they look fantastic if they are not. If there is a slight chance of giving each other helpful feedback on any look or work, someone might feel free to do so, and the other person does not feel judged.
But we would not be delighted to know that from a random crowd, would we? Another factor that derives the differentiation is a given feedback's language and approach.
In the grammar of communication, there is always language accompanied by paralanguage, and it is not always what you say; however, how you say it is very significant.
While passing on feedback to another person, we must be sure of our speech delivery because the medium of the message can be crucial and break the thin wall between a person of sound judgment and a judgy one.
Do not be the neighbourhood aunty or uncle.
Almost every Bangladeshi joke revolves around a character archetype of 'Pasher bashar aunty' (A neighbourhood aunty) who has no significant job other than just roaming around and judging people.
Some take it as their heavy responsibility to take gossip information from the locality and pass it around, talk about how they are unparalleled with our cultural and moral values, etc.
Be it a cinema, a storybook, or even these long-term novels called A Life, every character holds one exciting background story.
What is theirs? Why are they? How are they? There could be a couple of psychological reasons why people tend to judge others.
It could be their hidden insecurity and low self-esteem, or even there may be some unprocessed and suppressed emotions behind those frowning smiles and those questionable eyes.
When someone criticises another, even without needing to ask, it can create a sense of superiority, boosting their ego. This can remedy their own eyes for a lack of confidence.
They even present themselves as an essential part of the people they are judging and doing some 'good work' by doing so.
This unnecessary and mostly harsh judgment can also come from underlying anxieties, shame, or guilt. These emotions can be challenging to deal with directly, so people deflect them by judging others. Understanding the feelings behind the judgments can help people move towards a more compassionate way of interacting with the world.
Giving others a lousy day is never good because you are having one. The same goes for confidence. If you are not confident enough, pass good vibes to the people you meet and do not burden them with your judgemental comments disguised as 'good advice'.