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When someone mentions Chandler to your Joey, there is one person who pops up in your mind, right? All these words, Best Friend Forever (BFF), best friend, and bondhu, indicate a person with whom you can literally laugh, cry, count on, and, more importantly, who knows about you more than yourself, your little packet of sunshine to make the days brighter.
A best friend should be your biggest cheerleader and not a source of negativity. Yes, not all friendships quintessentially be sunshine and rainbows; sometimes, these bonds can be so toxic that they can leave you drained, isolated, and unhappy.
Sometimes, the lines between toxic friendship and supportive friendship can be a blur. And even in a situation where you are confused about your BFF, choose to go for your gut. But how can you tell your best friend is slipping into toxic territory?
Bad days or bad vibes?
Let's be real. Everyone has off days, and your best friend might snap at you or seem distant. But once that rough period is off, they will likely apologize for their behavior and make amends, which is a sign of healthy friendship.
However, toxic friends follow this pattern repetitively; they hurt you without being guilty, without mending their ways. They make zero efforts to change, even realizing they hurt you really bad, leaving you emotionally drained. And this is where the fine line exists between the extremes, one mends their ways, and another keeps pulling you down.
"I'll be there for you" ain't just a song; it perfectly carries how best friends are there for you in sickness and health, through thick and thin.
And if your friend flakes on you every time, mentally or emotionally unavailable when you need them, why are you even bothered to be friends with them? And true friendship, don't mind listening to each other's ranting. But if the conversation is one-way, it's not only disrespectful but also shows no interest.
Not just that, if you are the one always dropping by, inviting them to events but they are unavailable or exclude you from get-togethers. Another toxic trait your best friend might have is backbiting about you. With that being said, it's advisable to cut ties with them, as all they can give you is trust issues, low self-esteem, and anxiety or panic attacks.
They are coupled with competition. Yes, healthy competition in friendship is highly appreciated, but all toxic friends will do is try to outgrow in terms of promotion, partner, or academics.
Friendship isn't meant to have a winner, but this bond should offer each other a place to grow, given support from both sides. Well, there might be some jealousy in true friendship but that typically coincides with being happy and proud of you.
Plus, all they do is to make you guilty of your achievement. How to find out if they are genuinely excited for you is by asking whether they want the best for you or are happy to see you fail.
Another major trait of toxic best friends is that they want everything to revolve around them. How to test that? Bring a random topic to the table that doesn't have any connection with any of you. If she/he is toxic they will manipulate the conversation to them again.
Whatever the topic is. It's all about them. Sometimes, they will formally ask, "What's up to you late?" without bothering to get a reply. Along with that, these toxic friends will make fun of your social status, will poke you with your dressing style, and if someone looks down on you, makes fun of your earnings, or criticizes you for not coming from any posh social class, ditch that person.
We all know how best friends always pull each other's leg, but there's a fine line between mocking and bullying. If they are making you uncomfortable in a room full of people, they are bullying or ganging up on you.
While having constructive criticism is healthy, if your friend is throwing shade at you or making harsh and unjustified criticism is not okay. Not because this can lead to decreased self-esteem but shows their lack of empathy and disrespect.
As the story goes on, when you start pointing out their behavior, they shrug off the whole thing with an insincere "sorry." And if someone is sorry for their behavior, they try to mend their ways or will make sure they aren't repeating their behavior.
But in a toxic friendship, all you will get is an insincere sorry with a pinch of "Grow Up! That was just a joke" or "It's your fault, but I'm sorry." Yet another classic toxic red flag is that they always play the victim card. More toxic traits could be they are hypocrisy, lying a lot to get sympathy, comparing themselves with others, trying to change themselves, selfishness, and manipulation. But whenever your gut feeling is saying something is off, try to read it. You deserve to be filled the same way you pour.
The writer can be found at rahmanmegh1234@gmail.com