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The Financial Express

Rough patches in relationships: Leave behind or make amendments  


Rough patches in relationships: Leave behind or make amendments  

In the past, relationships were all about finding a soul mate who is suitable for marriage and marriage was often an economic arrangement based on a division of labour and child-rearing. But today, the concept of having a partner has changed entirely. People aspire to have relationships that are full of love, freedom and intimation.

Relationships reveal the most vulnerable side of a person. The reciprocation of a human being with the relationship with his/her significant other is very tricky at times. The moment someone loses grip over it, it starts grasping the best of someone’s life. Relationships might feel perfect in the beginning but at some point, months or years in, you’re going to hit a rough patch, and it’s important to identify those.

Identify the red flags and know when to move on

You may put every possible effort on earth to get over the rough patches and eventually you might succeed. But there are some certain signs you should keep in check and you shouldn’t take things any further.

Everybody has a bright side and a dark side as well. People have a fair share of good times and bad times in a relationship. But some partners who give you hard times mostly and you have to put some effort into recalling the good are just not worth walking the extra mileage for.

Red flags in a relationship are intuitive indicators that something needs to be questioned. There are many signs of an unhealthy relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. The moment you grow fear inside you, it’s over. It’s also wise to run from anyone who attempts to cross a boundary that you have set.

Partners who try to control your actions are just not the right ones. They may be jealous of your ongoing relationships with other people or simply feel the need to control where you go and who you associate with, limiting your world to only what is important to them.

Another surefire red flag in a relationship is justifying the partner’s actions. If you find yourself justifying away what s/he does or says, even though these feel wrong in your gut, then consider yourself in trouble

Any form of abuse, from the seemingly mild to the overtly obvious— verbal, emotional, psychological, and certainly physical— is not just a red flag but a huge banner screaming out to you to get out immediately and never look behind.

Try to make amendments 

Relationships are precious. Having too many options open, the over the intervention of social media, lack of clear communication, changing mentality with time often draws a stroke of bad luck in relationships. But it is important to work on those issues before it is too late. It is important to make some amendments for the sake of love, good times and the greater good.

Talk, communicate, hear out and seek professional help

Often, when it would seem most important to be open and honest, partners in a relationship distance themselves emotionally, leaving their partner hanging, or having to deal with a situation on their own. More often, whatever is ‘communicated’ is expressed through such an attitude that it makes the circumstance even worse.

RafinaTabassum, a sophomore of Finance at University of Dhaka believes in the necessity of clear communication during the challenging period of a relationship.

“Communicating with your partner in tough times is hard indeed. Sometimes you might have to bend yourself out of your comfort zone but this is the most beneficial trick. Ego might be your biggest enemy here but once you are able to take care of it, you count yourself on the right track.”

During conversation, you should try to listen before showing rage. This is as important as speaking your heart open. Your partner might have the bigger portion of the story, he/she might provide better insight regarding the dispute. State what you need and want, be specific and direct when you ask something and develop a plan together during a rough patch.

When nothing gives ease and none of the partners is ready to make a compromise but they still want to hold onto the relationship, professional help is the most effective solution. Often a third person perspective gives the situation better comprehension. Going to a professional counsellor is a big promising step because it implies both the person truly wants to make things better and work onto their relationship.

Kaniz Fatema is a final year Geography and Environment student at Dhaka University.

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